ACC Country

Interviewer: What’s your prediction for the weekend?
Me: Prediction?
Interviewer: Yes, prediction.
Me: ……….Pain.

And there will be pain. Probably in the form of stomach cramps and quick runs to the bathroom, but hopefully also in the way of two Carolina beatdowns en route to San Antonio. I don’t remember the 2005 run making me so nervous. I don’t remember being nervous last year. In fact, I only ever remember feeling this way during the ‘Canes run to the Stanley Cup in 2006. I may lose 10 pounds over the next two weeks at this rate. On with the picks:

EAST

Carolina over Washington State: 71-59. The Heels take a half to figure out the goofy WSU system, but then talent prevails in the second half and UNC pulls away for the win. Enberg let’s out three “OH MY’s” on various Carolina fast breaks, and Bilas drools over Hansbrough for the entire game, but not once will he encourage Psycho T to fan himself off.

Louisville over Tennessee: 79-72. Tennessee is too erratic and Louisville is playing their best basketball of the season. The Vols can’t shoot their way out of the zone and fall, despite making a late run to make it interesting. Down double digits in the second half, the Vols get into a fight during a free throw huddle over their headbands.

WEST

Xavier over West Virginia: 78-76. The Musketeers have a player by the name of Charles Bronson. Had to get that out there. Make Death Wish jokes at your leisure. Joe Alexander ties it with under 10 seconds to play, but Xavier wins it at the buzzer with a Josh Duncan tip in. Billy Packer argues with everybody. Lots of Jim Nantz Masters commercials.

UCLA over Western Kentucky: 65-55. The Hilltoppers make this one interesting for about 37 minutes before Collison and Love make plays and put the game away. Over/under on horrible calls that go the Bruins’ way is set at 5.5 as of this typing. Packer publicly takes the officials to task.

MIDWEST

Wisconsin over Davidson: 67-66. Stephen Curry goes down in a blaze of gunfire, scoring half of his team’s points, but rattling a 3 in and out at the horn, and the Badgers escape. Gus Johnson needs medical assistance before calling the late game. Mrs. Curry cries. Stephen is later seen courtside during the late game studying for his 9th grade English test on Romeo & Juliet.

Kansas over Villanova: 85-64. Never a doubt in this one. The Jayhawks jump on them early and conserve some energy for Sunday’s regional final. CBS cuts to the Memphis game roughly 8 minutes into the contest, just in time for the tip off in Houston. After a 13-0 KU run and down 28 with 12 minutes to play, Jay Wright literally throws in a towel and draws a T for it and everyone laughs it off.

SOUTH

Texas over Stanford: 83-77. The Lopez twins are game, but Abrams and Augustin light them up in the second half, and the Horns make their free throws down the stretch to win a tight one. The nation prays that Brook and Robin’s mother did not make the trip or that CBS cameras can not find her. She’s no Mrs. Curry. Nation also prays Bill Raftery does not include her along with his “…the kiss” catchphrase.

Michigan State over Memphis: 75-69. Memphis starts out “in the mantaman,” Izzo outcoaches Calipari, and the Tigers’ free throw shooting woes finally come back to haunt them down the stretch. The Tigers don’t take their loss gracefully and leave the court before the time expires.